Alt.imate Ninja

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Alt.imate Ninja is a net.villain created by Rob Rogers.
Alter Ego: Malcolm the Pizza Guy
Aliases: None
Primary Writer: Rob Rogers
Status: Employed Domino's worker, deactivated net.villain
Usability: Usable With Permission


Alt.imate Ninja was created when Substitute Lad asked the Peril Room to create an unbeatable foe. Gaining sentience and a name in imitation of Ultimate Ninja, it ordered a pizza from Malcolm and gained a body too. It was defeated by Substitute Lad copying Special Bonding Boy's powers; afterwards, the shocking garishness of the Easily-Discovered Van separated it from Malcolm.

He was later reactivated by the Waffle Queen, but shut down by Glitch Girl. During the Infinite Leadership Crisis, he was re-reactivated by Vector Sublime and became one of the Surreptitious Seven.


As Malcolm, a fairly normal if easily annoyed pizza delivery boy. As Alt.imate Ninja, single-mindedly destructive towards the LNH.

Powers and Abilities

As Alt.imate Ninja, possesses the speed and accuracy of an android, knows the abilities, fighting style, and weak points of every member of the LNH who's ever slugged it out in the Peril Room, learns from its mistakes, and becomes exponentially more powerful with every waking moment. As Malcolm, pretty good at delivering pizza.


As Malcolm, a fairly normal human in a Domino's uniform. As the Ninja, half-human, half-machine, studded with wires and circuitry and armed with an assortment of weapons.

   "From the tip of his split-toed boots to the crown of his hooded, metal-encrusted skull, Alt.Imate.Ninja had the grim and merciless look of a Monday morning in February without coffee. His muscles, which previously had belonged to Malcolm the Pizza Delivery Guy, had undergone an electronically-stimulated transformation from sacks of flab into pulsating engines of death. His hard, glacial eyes, his crackling, spike-studded knuckles--everything about Alt.Imate.Ninja so clearly said "Go Away."
   —Easily-Discovered Man Lite, The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man #14