Can't Get a Break at the Lights, Man
|Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man is a net.villain created by Rob Rogers.|
|Primary Writer:||Rob Rogers|
|Status:||Freelance net.villain; herald of the Apocryphal Man, currently living in the Apocryphal Universe|
|Usability:||Usable With Permission|
Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man began his criminal career as an angry, bitter man who chose to express his frustration with rush-hour traffic by climbing to the top of a building in downtown Net.ropolis and firing a shotgun at passers-by. Although he has no extraordinary powers, police assumed he was a super-villain because he had added the word "man" to the end of his name.
When his wife abandoned him on Christmas Eve, the villain went on a drunken, murderous rampage in central Net.ropolis, killing more than a dozen people. Since that time, Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man has evolved – or perhaps, declined – from a shooter motivated by road rage into a full-blown heartless killer.
- "I said I was going to kill you," Can't Get a Break at the Lights, Man said, his voice never rising above an even monotone. "And I am going to kill you. And Easily-Discovered Man. And your families. And the New York Yankees. And guys who wear white baseball caps indoors. And the woman who told me she couldn't go out with me because 'Friends' was on. And..."
- —The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man #34
Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man was brought to the Apocryphal Universe by the Apocryphal Man in the hopes he would battle Apocalypso. After that ska-dancing cosmic entity defeated him, Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man was forced to remain in the Apocryphal Universe. He eventually joined forces with the Apocryphal Man, becoming the villain's new herald and gaining new, as-yet-unrevealed powers.
Entering the Apocryphal Universe "erased" Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man from the Looniverse, making it as though he never lived. His victims were restored to life, and only those who have escaped from the Apocryphal Universe, such as Easily-Discovered Man, have any memory of his existence.
Powers and Abilities
Though he originally had no powers, Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man carried a variety of firearms – including pistols, a hunting rifle and a 12-gauge shotgun – and was more than willing to use them.
Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man has generally been worked into an apoplectic rage by the time he shows up on-screen, though he's shown to be at least relatively relaxed in other situations, as when Easily-Discovered Man Lite ran into him unexpectedly in a bar.
Can't Get A Break At The Lights, Man is almost always dressed in a dirty white sleeveless T-shirt, camouflage fatigue trousers and steel-toed chuckaboots. His shoulder-length hair is greasy and stringy, and his face is smudged with three days' growth of beard. He smokes cheap American cigarettes.
- The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man #6-7, 12-13, 17, 19, 33-34
- Substitute Lad #1