- To say that the Mall of Net.ropolis was large would be an understatement akin to describing anemic saxophonist Kenny G, the man born without a soul, as 'somewhat overrated.' The Mall had a gravitational field that affected the tides along the Net.Jersey shore. Its shoppers had once threatened to secede from the Loonited States of America and form their own sovereign nation, until they were distracted by a sale at Nordstrom's. The Mall was not only the second man-made structure on earth that could be seen from space, but the first to pose a serious danger to astronauts because of the blinding glare of its neon lights. The Mall attracted roughly the population of Sri Lanka in daily customers, which was all the more remarkable, given the following facts:
- 1). The Mall of Net.ropolis was not actually in Net.ropolis, but sat partially in the suburb of Russell and had completely swallowed what had once been the town of Martinsburg. (Most of the city council had since found employment at The Limited). Since the mall was technically in Net.ropolis County, and since no one from Net.ropolis minded the fact that the mall was not in Net.ropolis, however, this rarely became an issue.
- 2). No one from Net.ropolis shopped at the Mall. Ever. Occasionally, someone from Russell, Saxon Falls or Molixville drifted in for large sales, gang initiations or the Christmas rush, but the vast majority of Mall shoppers either flew in on a special package tour for the occasion or had become separated from their parents sometime in the early '80s and become part of the Mall's permanent wandering population. Few, if any Net.ropolis citizens would consider setting foot in an enclosed shopping area that did not also double as a subway station.
- Despite these drawbacks, the Mall flourished, for perhaps the same reason that electric devices for zapping insects continue to work so well. As we approached the enormous north-by-northwest entrance, with its 23 banks of revolving doors and the inscription Linguist Lass had once translated for me as reading, "Abandon Any Reasonable Spending Limit, All Ye Who Enter Here," even I found myself intrigued by the monstrosity....
Whatever Net.ropolitans as a whole may think of the Mall, net.heroes have been known to come here fairly often. Among other things, it holds The Utility Belt, the world's only specialty store for super-heroes and their attending personnel.
Net.villain attacks on the mall were a fairly regular occurrence. The LNH once set up an "LNH Thrift Store" at the Mall, which sold LNHers' discarded costumes; it was attacked by Merrax the Maimer, who was only narrowly defeated by Flatulence Lad's ghost.
While visiting the Mall, Easily-Discovered Man, Lite, Cynical Lass and a gaggle of other young net.heroes found themselves attacked by the Death Thoreaus, who planned to use the Ring of Simplification to assault the "temple of crass consumerism."
- Well, we're assuming they're the same mall.