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Table is a net.villain created by Jef Kolodziej.
Alter Ego: Unknown
Aliases: None
Primary Writer: None
Status: Active net.villain
Usability: Free For Use


It is said that in days of old, there was a princess, who brought together a great and magical fellowship of battle-sisters. They sat around a Round Table made of techno-organic wood, and did great deeds, and fought great battles; and when they fell, their memories were stored in the Table. But peace could not last, and the princess became a Queen, and a conqueror, and her sisters and the Table turned against her, and sealed her away. And the Table went forward in time to the day that the Queen would be freed from her imprisonment, but he too forgot himself and his mission.

Table appeared during the Cosmic Plot Device Caper as a seeming servant of the Time Crapper. He activated Plot-Error Man's dormant mutant powers, kidnapped him, and brainwashed him. He tricked the LNH into thinking he was an ally and used them as a distraction in the battle between the Time Crapper and Y-Plex Burp. Using Plot-Error Man's powers, he betrayed both the LNH and the Crapper, taking the Ring of Retconn and the Cosmic Plot Device for himself. Unfortunately for him, Marvel Zombie Lad touched the Cosmic Plot Device at the same time, and Table was defeated by a bunch of X-Men parodies.

In Electrocutioner's Song, he returned. Using Plot-Error Man's power, he resurrected his mysterious paramour, Chair, and set out on a plan to conquer the Looniearth through merchandising. However, his equally-mysterious archnemesis, Mister Minister, had lead the LNH to him using an army of Marvel Zombie Lad clones.

He has since been part of a number of different net.villain teams, including the Youngstuds and the LumberJerks.


Desires power and control. Manipulates others into doing his dirty work, and isn't above pretending to be someone's lackey to achieve his goals. Very in love with Chair.

Powers and Abilities

Can transform into a technorganic table. Very difficult to Google.


A tall, burly, older man with one wooden arm.