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Alt.lactus is a cosmic being created by Jameel al Khafiz. See also Da'Jaconar and Dimwiticus.
Alter Ego: Unknown
Aliases: None
Primary Writer: None
Status: Devouring newsgroups across the Usenetverse
Usability: Free for Use


Alt.lactus is the third in the triad of Interneternity, Deletion, and itself, a mediating force between creation and destruction. It is feared throughout the Usenetverse as the devourer of newsgroups. It has a significant role in the cosmic scheme known not even to itself.

In ancient times, Alt.lactus itself opposed the Dorf forces in the Great Flamewar but could not defeat their power on its own, even with the Ultimate Dullifier.

In the original Teenfactor series (which has now been Elsewhirled, so this history may or may not be in-continuity), Arcania traveled to Alt.lactus's dimension in 1978, seeking to use the Dullifier against the Yuritag before they destroyed the Earth. She succeeded, at the cost of the lives of her own species.

Sometime before Kid Kirby joined the LNH, Alt.Lactus confronted him and engaged him in a typical superhero-comic-y metaphysical debate. Later on, he showed up at Kid Kirby's trial for intervening against Dimwiticus, Devourer of Dimensions, but weirdly didn't seem to have anything to contribute to a metaphysical argument involving another Galactus parody.

Not all newsgroups go down smoothly, so Alt.lactus created a Herald, the Interdimensional Digestive Biscuit, to help it digest particularly nasty newsgroups like But the Biscuit railed at its servitude, it wanted to fly the net.ways freely, and eventually it escaped its master's control.

Once sued Hostess Snack Cakes for preventing him from carrying out his duties by distracting him with "delicious cream-filled golden cakes".


Majestic and cosmic. Unlike other Galactus parodies, mostly tends to stay out of the way of net.heroes, appearing primarily as a background character.

Powers and Abilities

Alt.lactus devours newsgroups that have been abandoned or marked for deletion by the RACelestials. It possesses enormous destructive cosmic powers and can create Heralds. You know, the usual Galactus parody stuff. Also possesses the power to fill out cosmic being crowd scenes.


An imposing armored giant being (presumably with a goofy hat) who manifests as a member of the same species as the viewer. (Its gender is not fixed.)