LNHQ (Classic)

The Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters (also known as LNHQ or LNHHQ) is the headquarters of the LNH (Classic Team). See also other versions of the LNHQ.

Features

Like the laws of physics or the biology of aging, the features of the LNHQ are mutable depending on who is writing the story. In accordance with the metafictional nature of the LNH itself, this mutability has become part of the story:

In fact, one never knew exactly how the LNH HQ would look after a explosion and reconstruction; it had already resembled a London Gentleman's Club, a late Renaissance Italian palace, the UN building. Now, it resembled a rather shorter stubby version of the 1930's Empire State Building, complete with an Airship mooring post. LNH'ers were never sure if they would be hanging their spandex unifor-ms on brushed chrome, wood, or polished brass stands after a reconstruction.

—Tales of the LNH #278

Nonetheless, there are a number of features that are generally consistent from interpretation to interpretation.

The first thing one will generally see when entering the LNHQ is the receptionist, usually sitting behind a desk in the foyer. The LNH has a rotating team of receptionists, including Fred, Crystal, Lester O'Brien, and Kyoko Ishikawa. (One decided this life wasn't for him and became Bart the Dark Receptionist.) Occasionally, none of these will be available, and a net.hero will staff the desk.

LNHQ as a building has many unusual properties. For example, its rooms expand to fit the number of people within the room, making for a building that is much larger inside than it appears outside (akin to a TARDIS from Doctor Who). It possesses a nearly-infinite number of sub-basements (each level identified by an additional "sub", as in sub-sub-sub-sub-basement) which are host to a number of ghosts, supernatural creatures, Kiwis, and a species of incredibly stupid bird known as the Oozelfinch. Another of the LNHQ's secrets is the Zero Chamber or Zero Room, hidden headquarters of the Intangible Legion, assuming it actually exists/doesn't exist.

Not only does LNHQ provide living space for its hundreds of members, but it also contains a multitude of ways for them to pass their downtime. The Peril Room is a training room akin to those used by many hero teams, fraught with boobytraps and holographic opponents. One of the unique features of the Peril Room is that one cannot sustain lasting injury within.

The LNH also has more general-use HoloDecStations and swimming pool. There's a giant viewscreen in the main lobby, but it hasn't been used much since the last Smash tournament. The Plot Device Room holds plot devices in the LNH's custody, naturally. The Trophy Room holds a bunch more, along with other mementos of the LNH's various adventures, such as the giant Canadian two-dollar coin left over from one of Mirror Universe Canadian Spelling Guy's plots. The Hall of Lost Heroes contains memorials to those who have fallen in battle (or in more ignominious pursuits, such as cheesecake accidents). The Ultimate Ninja apparently has his own personal garden for meditation and tea, where he also grows his own supply of Ninja Bush.

The LNHQ contains a hangar bay with a selection of Flight.thingees, Net.thingees, and even Space.thingees, as well as other vehicles both mundane and exotic. For shorter-range transport, the Transmat Chambers can send LNHers anywhere in the city.

A floor plan was created based on one interpretation of How LNHQ Works, and can be used as a jumping-off point for one's own interpretation.

History

From Limp-Asparagus Lad #54:

   The building known as the Legion of Net.Heroes Headquarters has had a long if intermittent history as the rallying point for costumed champions. Moreover, even prior to the LNH-HQ's construction at the start of the 20th century, the site on which it was built was reported to posses esoteric properties that made it a location of importance. The site is believed to be a `place of power' that complements and enhances the heroic (and theoretically, villainous) prowess of whatever individual or group possess the location. [Stranger Tales #5 - Footnote Girl] (However, rumours that the location is in fact an ancient Indian burial ground have never been substantiated, and these days are taken seriously only by the overly excitable.) Definite records of this phenomenon can be traced back to the 19th century when the city of Net.ropolis was still named Babbagetown, and anecdotal evidence stretches back even further.

   The earliest (recorded) version of the Legion of Net.Heroes - led by Boy Lad - was active through the late 1920s and 30s [Particle Man Annual #1 - Footnote Girl], and came to based in the three-story Net.ropolis Hotel Grand [Lagneto 2016 #4 - Footnote Girl], which had closed as a result of the 1929 stock market crash. This version of the Legion discontinued in the late 1930s, and the burden of heroic activities were shouldered by other teams. Although the P.U.L.P. Institute and the Classics Squad both made use of the building, neither group resided or was permanently based there. [Particle Man Annual #1]

   In the late 1940s through 50s, the predominant hero team was that of the mainly British based Society of Wireless Heroes, while the Net.astic Nine of the 1960s were similarly headquartered elsewhere at the Mando Building. [Dvandom Force #37-38, 42-43 - Footnote Girl] From after World War 2 through to the late 1960s, the LNH-HQ building once again reopened as the Net.ropolis Hotel Grand [Bride of C'thulhu #7 - Footnote Girl], but closed again for a few years before once again being adopted by a net.hero team - in this case, the Legion of Net.Hippies.

   After the era of the Net.Hippies, teams like the League of New-Wave Heroes [LNH 'Tsk' Force #6-9 - Footnote Girl] were again based elsewhere. Even the initial reformation of the modern version of the Legion of Net.Heroes in 1985 saw them headquartered in a smaller club-house out in the suburbs. It was not until after the Maria Stork Foundation was established to financially support the LNH that the team refurbished and moved back to the site of the Hotel Grand. [LNH: The Early Years #3 - Footnote Girl] Ironically, this came at the most fortunate time for the classic building, as it had been scheduled for demolition in 1989 and only saved from destruction after petitions for it to preserved as a heritage site. [Lagneto 2016 #4]

According to Saviors of the Net #12.5, Boy Lad founded the LNH after finding a briefcase with the letters LNH on it, but unlike Looniverse-Y's version, this version of the LNHQ existed before Boy Lad found the briefcase.

According to Exclusionary Boy, Boy Lad chose to headquarter the Legion in a busy area uptown because " Boy Lad loved the people, and he liked being around them every single morning, to know what he was fighting for." (Particle Man Annual #1)

The LNHQ was once stolen for three weeks by Carmen Sanfrancisco. (See Writer's Block Woman (and Mouse))

In the future glimpsed by Time-Waster Lad during Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths!, the LNHQ will be put to many different uses by different groups, and will ultimately outlive the LNH, the planet Earth, and all life in the Universe, eventually becoming the citadel of the Time Crapper at the Rear-End of Time.