Net.ropolis

We live in a city that – on a regular basis – is stolen, shrunken, moved backward or forward in time, or transformed into a village of anthropomorphic dogs. Granted, it's still not as bizarre as Miami, but people who live here tend to expect the unusual.

— Easily-Discovered Man Lite, The Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man #44

Net.ropolis is the city on the Loonivearth where the Legion has its headquarters.

See also Netropolis (20), Net.ropolis-Y, and Net.ropolis (series).

In-Character History

   Net.ropolis is an old city. How old is still a matter of debate among historians, but they all agree that Net.ropolis was a thriving city long before the foundation of the country. Over the years it has seen many changes and survived many disasters. The torrential rains of 1873 flooded a third of the city and destroyed thousands of buildings, but Net.ropolis recovered. The freak weather conditions and improbable accident that caused the firestorm of 1924 almost destroyed it, but again the people of Net.ropolis dug in, cleared away the rubble, and slowly rebuilt it. The valiant determination and loyalty of its citizens have served Net.ropolis well, especially in recent years when the wildcard of superpowers was added to the mix. No matter what happened, the city was determined to survive.

  —Retcon Midnight #2, Russ Allbery and David Anastasion

Another nearly city-destroying incident that shaped Net.ropolis's history was the Great Mister Paprika Flood of 1910. (Now that's a MAN's flood!) After this, the streets of Net.ropolis were raised by one floor and the original street level became Darknet Town.

Out-of-Character History

In Halls Jordan and Cliche Dude #1, it was known as Metropolis.News.

Mechanics

It has no fixed position, and floats from state to state; for this reason, it has its own senator, Amanda Bedfellow. Similarly, the streets often reconfigure themselves for the sake of the plot.

Civic Personnel

Its mayor is Boris Wippleshod, with a deputy mayor named Hoss T. Age. Its offical goodwill ambassador to visiting aliens is Dallas O'Rourke. The head of the Net.ropolis Police Force until very recently was Police Chief Trouser; other members of the police include Sgt. Paddy O'Furniture, Reed Spacer, Lt. Neill (who handles sidekick problems), Lt. Ayre Headed, Sgt. Lovell Carter, and Officers O'Malley and Andy Jandleman.

In return for continued good will from the city, the LNH have agreed to help in any civic problems, no matter how mundane. Golden Man, having few, if any, storylines to support tends to act as a sort of one-man civic response force for non-crime problems. There is a well practiced evacuation procedure for the blocks around the LNHQ.

Features

Thru the middle of Net.ropolis winds the lazy Net.ropolis River, which, depending on the city's location, may or may not connect to the ocean. There are extensive underground tunnels and sewers that have been infested by gremlins, eldritch horrors, and occasionally, Ewoks. It has both an elevated rail-line, the El, and a subway system (sometimes called the "N-derground"). Its baseball team is the Net.ropolis Ninjas.

Areas and Neighborhoods

• Abandoned Warehouse District
• Alt.Suicide.Slum (formally known as Credence Clear.net Park, a low-rent housing project gone bad)
• Bingham Valley
• Busiek Square (central business district, opposite Gormenghast Cathedral)
• E Bay
• The Garbage Can (poor and run-down, lots of abandoned buildings)
• Hovel Homes (high-crime low-rent area)
• Kansastown (a three-block ethnic district)
• Map District (where many maps of the confusing city can be bought)
• McCluresville (reasonably nice with old brownhouse apartments)
• Mutant Town (lots of mutants, natch)
• Shimbleshanks (mysterious and creepy and full of Weird Shit)

Parks

• The Abandoned Amusement Park
• C|Netral Park
• Drayer Park, which contains:
  • The Net.ropolis Bandshell
  • The Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch Memorial Playground
• Suddenly Exploding Boy Memorial Grove, near Drayer Park
• Net.ropolis Park, which contains:
  • The Philosopher's Needle, an obelisk
• RAC.Arthur Park, which contains:
  • Ken.sig.ton Gardens

Other Locations

• Emperor Norton Bridge
• Four Color Square, which contains:
  • The statue of Lost Cause Boy
• The Net.ropolis Trade Towers
• The Net.ropolitan, a convention center on the Great Alt Way; sometimes hosts the RACCies
• Oblivion Towers, which may or may not have undergone repairs and name change following Doctor Oblivion's arrest

Temporary/Destroyed Locations

• The Beige Clock Tower

Schools

• Calisota University of Net.ropolis
• Dave Thomas Deluxe University
• Net.ropolis Academy, a high school that some teenage net.heroes attend
• Net.ropolis Junior High
• Net.ropolis University

Restaurants and Eateries

• The Bar, which caters to both low-middle class and criminal clients.
• The Bent Quarter, a thug bar
• Betty's Diner, in Kansastown
• The Cold Vengeance Ice Cream Parlor, at 453 North Eyriewood
• Fettucini's, a hideously expensive and exclusive restaurant
• Fenena's, a pretentious cafe for suburban goth types
• Guido's Pizza Pit (AKA "The Pizza Pit"), a popular hangout for LNHers
• Planet Kirby
• The Sing-Along Cafe
• Slattery's, a bar where college students go to get drunk, and where the Sidekick Squad hung out
• The Waffle Palace
• the as-yet-unnamed lesbian bar frequented by occult types which Serafine tends
• Where Your Eyes Don't Go, a bar fancied by villains

Newspapers

• The Net.ropolis Daily Pla.net, employer of Johnny Fearless
• The Net.ropolis Times
• The Net.ropolis Netizen, employer of Emma Dash

Other Organizations

• Boy Lad Airport
• Brenton Island Nuclear Power Plant
• The Bronze Age, a nightclub with a strong queer presence
• Byrne's and Noble
• The Church of Dvandom
• Deadrichguy Museum of Art
• Echo Lad Memorial Children's Hospital
• Fan.way Park, home of the Net.ropolis Ninjas
• Get.semane Evangelical, with Pastor Norman McKenzie
• Gormenghast Cathedral, opposite Busiek Square
• The Home For Aged But Unrepentant Villains Village
• Lost Cause Boy Memorial Hospital
• Lovecraft Asylum
• The Net.ropolis Mall
• The Morgue Gallery, specialising in images of ghosts and run by the death-obsessed eccentric millionaire Jay Wellings de Ville.
• The Net.Hero Weekly
• The Net.ropolis Arms
• Net.ropolis Comics, one of the largest comic stores in the world
• Net.ropolis Fine Arts Center, a tourist magnet shaped like a horseshoe magnet pointed at the sky
• Net.ropolis Geothermal Power Plant
• Net.ropolis Water Treatment Plant
• Net.ropolis Orphanage, in the Garbage Can
• Newman & Roddenberry Junkyard
• Sidekicks'R'Us

Underground Zones and Hidden Secrets

• Darknet Town

Named Streets

• Bingham Boulevard
• Byrne Avenue
• Edlund Street
• The Great Alt Way
• The intersection of Barnes and Kogutt
• Mignola Street
• Scavenger Avenue
• Pony Parts, in Shimbleshanks
• Rackham Avenue, near the LNHQ

Suburbs

• Molixville
• Russell
• Saxon Falls

The town of Martinsburg also lay nearby, before it was swallowed up by the Net.ropolis Mall.