Cheesecake-Eater Lad

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Cheesecake-Eater Lad is a net.hero created by Matthew Jotham Millheiser.
Alter Ego: Pre-Cry.Sig: Condolia Boonspackle; Post-Cry.Sig: C.E.L. Spender
Aliases: None
Primary Writer: None
Status: Co-Deputy Leader of the LNH (Classic Team), cook for the LNHQ (Classic)
Usability: Free For Use

History

C.E.L. Spender was the descendant of a line of legendary cooks, dating back to Cecil Spender, whose pies were so delicious that the very smell of them caused British soldiers to drop dead from ecstasy. He had all the overwhelming talent of his family, but completely and exclusively focused on one dish: cheesecake. From the age of one year old, he was a prodigy; but such an overspecific skill set wasn't called for in the culinary sphere. But when Y-Plex Burp shut down his favorite restaurant, he focused those talents in another direction – vigilante justice!

In a retconned-away history, Condolia Boonspackle was a scientist working on a solvent to power his super-saturated fat particle beam at the same time as his wife was working on a cheesecake recipe for a gift. Half of each recipe was swapped, and the cheesecake gave him power – but his wife, having no gift, took her own life as was the custom of her people. He ran away and became Cheesecake-Eater Lad!

He became the LNH's chef because nobody else wanted the job. With his cheesecake powers, he's kept the kitchens stocked and kept the bellies of the Looniverse's favorite fighting team full, even if they sometimes grumble about the calories. At one point, he received cosmic cheesecake-generating wristbands from Bessie-18, god-queen of the Galactose Quadrant, in reward for his services during some off-panel adventure.

He rarely actually goes on missions, and can usually be found in the LNHQ kitchen. It's not that he's not a skilled net.hero, or that he's useless on missions – it's just that, every time he goes away, there's the risk that the LNH at large will have to take up cooking duties. (See Culinary Disasters.)

Cheesecake Eater Lad has died (or appeared to die) three times to date. The first was when he killed destroyed by an exploding microwave in The Death of Cheesecake-Eater Lad; he was resurrected via retcon with a little help from Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible Lass. Between his death and resurrection he had an elaborate metaphysical adventure where he met Ending of The Finishless and fought the Giant Sewer Rat. The second was in Flame Wars IV, when he was overwhelmed by OMAR's trolls and was believed to have been killed. He had in fact been replaced by Major Reason and then kidnapped by Net.Santo. Finally, in WikiLull After, he died a pointless anticlimactic death when the forces of evil took over, like J'onn in Final Crisis. After his death he briefly became one with existence, then found himself in an empty Limbo-like dimension, inhabited by Captain LNH...

During unpublished stories, he was resurrected alongside Captain LNH and helped to battle Neme.SYS. His pre-Cry.Sig timeline was amalgamated with his post-Cry.sig timeline, and he became the Looniversal Anchor of Indulgence. (What this title means is not exactly clear.)

Post-WikiLull, he became Co-Deputy Leader of the LNH alongside Fearless Leader and Catalyst Lass, and kept the secret of Ultimate Ninja's transcendence, and his replacement by Ultimate Ninja II. He supported the latter thru keeping the secret and thru the sabertooth pandemic, and was there when she revealed herself to the world...

Personality

Cheesecake-Eater Lad is an experienced cook and an experienced net.hero, professional under pressure. He has a certain emotional openness about him.

When Cheesecake-Eater Lad first joined the LNH, he was eager to please. Since then, the years of experience have given him a patient outlook, although he's not above being annoyed by those who malign his pastry art.

Powers and Abilities

Can eat any kind of cheesecake, no matter what is in it. Is also extraordinarily talented at making cheesecake, with cosmically-powered wrist bands that can generate it at will. Is highly trained by Ultimate Ninja in seven different fighting styles. During his post-death and resurrection Star Wars-parody journey into outer space, he learned the spiritual telekinesis-slash-baking power of the Pastry, which was never heard of again[1].

Appearance

Pudgy. Wears a yellow and tan costume. Has cosmic cheesecake bands on his wrists.

Relationships

Cheesecake-Eater Lass is married to aLLiterative Lass, and the two of them are both married to Petunia Boonspackle. They have at least two daughters, one of whom, in the alter.net timeline of Looniverse-3000, grows up to become Cheesecake Lass of the LNH3k. CEL also has a weird kind of relationship with Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible Lass in his dreams.

He has six brothers, who have not yet appeared onscreen.

Close friends with Parking Karma Kid. Used to hang out with PKK, Cannon Fodder and wReamhack in an informal Subgroup they referred to as "the wReam Pack", but it drifted apart after Cheesecake-Eater Lad got married.

Awards

C-EL won Accies:Favorite LNHer in 1997.

Appearances

...and a bunch more that haven't made it onto the wiki yet.

Footnotes

  1. ↑ Apart from a brief recurrence in Journey Into Irrelevancy #13, where he used it to stop a cosmically powered Comics Snob Boy from exploding more people.
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